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Why You Don't Want To Have Sex

by Audrey Edwards

The Oprah Magazine, July-August, 2000.pp. 178-181, 270.

Dr. Ruth Morehouse was quoted in The Oprah Magazine article by Audrey Edwards dealing with the fact that many modern women find themselves losing sexual desire, even in the midst of a loving and committed relationship. The article contains the following points from Dr. Morehouse:

  • Turning away from sex may be a way for women with children to reclaim their bodies as their own. "Women start to view sex as one more thing they have to do for someone else," says Ruth Morehouse, Ph.D., co-director of he Marriage & Family Health Center in Evergreen, Colorado. "Women feel stretched so thin that saying no to sex gives them some sense of control over their lives."
     
  • Many women in long-term relationships also lose interest in sex because they don't want the kind of sex they've been having. "When two people have been together for a long time, sex often gets routine and stops feeling personal," says Morehouse. "There's not always the sense of being a unique, cherished individual." Often women want something more, but they're afraid of making their husbands feel inadequate. "When the intense physical attraction they experienced early in a relationship fades, sex may leave them thinking, Is that all there is?"
     
  • For things to get better, stresses Morehouse, women need to take the risk of figuring out what they want sexually- something many still don't know- and to accept part of the responsibility for having an unsatisfying or boring sex life. "If you're giving in to the peace, going through the motions, you're not really there, " says Morehouse. "You're helping to keep the relationship stagnant."
     
  • "People say their relationships are their priorities, but they don't act that way," says Morehouse. "Women need to see sex as a way to connect with themselves and their partners, rather than as something they're doing for someone else." Focus on the possibilities of sex, she urges, and how great it can feel.