Dr. David Schnarch, PhD

Emotional Cheating or Harmless Fantasy?

A Slate reader says he can only climax by picturing someone other than his wife. Lizzie Crocker investigates these so-called partner-replacement fantasies to find out how common they really are. By Women In The World, July 16, 2013 Ben Smith* has been with the same woman for 13 years. Every third or fourth time he has sex with her, another woman is present in the bedroom. For all he knows, his partner has no idea. They’ve never discussed fantasizing about other people during the act, and Smith rarely did in the early years of their relationship. But ever since they hit the five-year mark, imagining he’s having sex with other women mid-climax has become a “semi-regular occurrence,” whether it’s a …

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Happy Father’s Day to Respectable Fathers

This article first appeared on PsychologyToday.com Dear Dad, Not long ago I finished a long and difficult therapy session with a husband and wife who run a highly successful business. Aside from their marriage falling apart, the man was a fairly poor father, and both their fathers were even worse. In this session the man finally acknowledged he hungers and grieves for public acclaim and recognition. “I want to be a great man,” he said, admitting how he wanted to be seen by others. “No,” I replied, “You want to be a famous man.” “That’s right. To me, they’re one and the same,” he acknowledged. “I know that,” I said, “but being famous and being a great man can be …

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Traveling, Teaching, and Learning

Back from Taiwan I spent the first half of December in Taiwan. When I wasn’t in the wonderful mountains of Taroko National Park, I was teaching a one-day workshop for professional counselors and presenting at the Taipei Women’s Rescue Foundation Conference. Temples throughout the island are incredibly beautiful as is the scenery. I have 900+ pictures to prove it. (I’ve placed some samples on my personal page).  Food is everything in Taiwan. Each day is one continuous process of eating. They just change the menu several times. Taiwan exports the majority of orchids throughout the world, and the acres and acres of the International Floral Expo were in full bloom. To say I had a good time is an understatement. …

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The Crucible 4 Points of Balance™

What are the Crucible 4 Points of Balance? Holding on to yourself in relationships One of the most important things in life is becoming a solid individual. And another important thing is to have meaningful relationships. Two of the most powerful human drives are our urge to control our own lives (autonomy), and our urge for relationship with others (attachment). One of the biggest tasks of adulthood is being able to balance these two urges, and one of the most common problems is having too much of one, and not enough of the other. People often feel claustrophobic or controlled in committed relationships, or feel like they can’t be their true self in their relationships, or feel like their sense …

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