Intimacy & Desire

Intimacy & Desire presents Dr. Schnarch’s unique understanding of the way marital impasses are a natural path to relationship growth. In each chapter you meet a couple in-depth and share their journey resolving a different desire problem. You see how their conflicts and struggles unwittingly push both partners to grow (co-evolve). The sexual desire everyone wants has nothing to do with hormones and sex drive, because we want to be wanted and chosen (not just needed), which only comes from your partner’s heart and mind, and ability to want. Section One of this ground-breaking book addresses one of the major problems in dealing with sexual desire issues: Typically the partner with low or no desire feels defective and withholding, and

Part One: Why Normal People Have Sexual Desire Problems Chapter 1: There Is Always a Low Desire Partner and the Low Desire Partner Always Controls Sex Chapter 2: Since Your “Self” Showed up, Sexual Desire Hasn’t Been the Same. Chapter 3: The Low Desire Partner Usually Controls The High Desire Partner’s Adequacy   Part Two: How We Co-Evolve Through Sexual Desire Problems Chapter 4: Sexual Desire Problems Teach You to Hold On To Yourself Chapter 5: Intimacy Shapes Your Sexual Desire Chapter 6: You Have To Change Desire From Martyrdom to Freedom Chapter 7: Desire Fades When You Stop Growing   Part Three: Sexual Desire Problems: How Your Personal Life Fits In Chapter 8: Wanting, Not Wanting to Want, and

Five years in the making, Intimacy & Desire combines time-tested solutions for sexual desire problems with cutting edge information on interpersonal neurobiology, and the latest developments in the Crucible Approach. Intimacy & Desire follows in the tradition of Passionate Marriage and Resurrecting Sex, prior works by internationally acclaimed psychologist, lecturer and author Dr. David Schnarch. Intimacy & Desire is really three books in one: A revolutionary approach to sexual desire and resolving sexual desire problems Application of interpersonal neurobiology and brain-change psychotherapy Latest developments in the Crucible Approach and applying differentiation to yourself, your relationship, and your life A revolutionary approach to sexual desire Low desire, no desire, and mismatched desire are couples’ most common love-life problems. Unresolved desire difficulties cause

From the Introduction Thirty years ago I developed a completely new approach to sexual and marital therapy. You can learn a lot about desire as couples skid toward divorce. One thing I really focused on was sexual desire problems. It revolutionized my understanding of love relationships and at times left me astonished. I certainly didn’t expect sexual desire problems to teach me what they did about intimacy and love. This book is my best effort to pass it on to you. People shop around for perspectives they prefer. So if you want a book that says your sexual desire basically runs on hormones and biological drives, this one isn’t for you. If you want to be told, “Just do it!”